Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Reorganizing

"We tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing.  Reorganizing is a wonderful method for creating the illusion of progress while actually producing confusion, inefficiency, and demoralization."





Saturday, July 2, 2016

Stephen Colbert's Super Coin Toss



Board Games are making a comeback, but in shorter versions, because kids just don't have enough time.  So Stephen Colbert designs a board game called Super Coin Toss.

Super Coin Toss
"It all takes place in the enchanted realm of Quarteria. Each player has farmers, soldiers, merchants, and bandits, and the object is to cultivate enough grain that the merchants can sell to pay the soldiers to protect you from your opponent's bandits. And of course, there are two giant robots who box.

To start we put our tokens one space from the finish line.  Whoever goes first wins the game.  To determine that we flip the Medallion of Fate, which is designed to look like a US Quarter, sold separately, for $5."





Thursday, June 30, 2016

You have no cookies and no friends


What do you get if you divide 0 by 0?

"Imagine that you have zero cookies and you split them evenly among zero friends. How many cookies does each person get? See? It doesn't make sense. And Cookie Monster is sad that there are no cookies. And you are sad that you have no friends."


A friend pointed out that if you ask Siri to divide 0 by 0 you learn how many friends you have. Snarky, eh?  :-)




Wednesday, June 1, 2016

My Terrible Spending Habits


I learned a few things about myself today. I was just checking my credit card, and noticed I have some spending habits that I am terribly ashamed of. So admitting it this is the first step in the 12 step program, right?

  • $14 - 5/29 Miracle Mile, Las Vegas, NV
  • $12 - 5/30 Jamba Juice, Salt Lake City, UT ***
  • $92 - 5/30 Twin Peaks, Las Vegas, NV
  • $578 - 5/30 Louis Vuitton, Las Vegas, NV
  • $600 - 5/30 Hotel Operations, Las Vegas, NV
  • $1,115 - 5/30 Hotel Operations, Las Vegas, NV
  • $243 - 5/30 Hotel Operations, Las Vegas, NV
  • $15 - 5/31 Jamba Juice, Salt Lake City, UT ***
  • $1,362 - 5/31 Luis Vuitton, Las Vegas, NV
  • $573 - 5/31 Hotel Operations, Las Vegas, NV

  1. First, I have a thing for high end leather from Louis Vuitton. You should too.
  2. Second, I learned that I like to fly back and forth between Las Vegas and Salt Lake, just because I can? Don't you wish you could too?
  3. Third, I really really like Hotel Operations to service me. One can't say enough about the room service!
  4. And most importantly I secretly (or not so secretly) have desires to do many unspeakable things to some unknown individual out there.


But really, I do have a Jamba Juice addiction.



Thursday, May 19, 2016

The Great Philosophical Shuffling Debate - Can I Shuffle One Card?


The Great Philosophical Shuffling Debate: "If you play a game with cards, and the game instructs you to shuffle your deck, and your deck only has one card in it, can you do it?"

Deep Thoughts.

My favorite responses:

"As a computer scientist, I can shuffle a deck with zero cards."
"If I can shuffle a deck of 52 identical cards, I can "shuffle" a deck of one card, which has exactly the same effect."



Thursday, May 5, 2016

Don't Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford




Don't Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford

In this commercial parody, a married couple (Steve Martin, Amy Poehler) are confused by their money woes, so a spokesperson (Chris Parnell) presents them with Don’t Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford, a guide to prevent financial debt. [Season 31, 2006]



Don't Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford Script

Wife.....Amy Poehler
Husband.....Steve Martin
Spokesman.....Chris Parnell


[ open on couple trying to balance their checkbook ]

Wife: (sighs) I just can't get these numbers to add up.

Husband: Like we're never going to get out of this hole.

Wife: Credit card debt, does it ever end?

Spokesman: [walks in] Maybe I can help.

Husband: We sure could use it.

Wife: We've tried debt consolidation companies.

Husband: We've even taken out loans to help make payments.

Spokesman: Well, you're not the only ones. Did you know that millions of Americans live with debt they cannot control? That's why I developed this unique new program for managing your debt. It's called [presents book] "Don't Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford."

Wife: Let me see that... [grabs book, reads] "If you don't have any money, you should not buy anything." Hmm, sounds interesting

Husband: Sounds confusing.

Wife: I don't know honey, this makes a lot of sense. There's a whole section here on how to buy expensive things using money you save.

Husband: Give me that... [grabs book, looks at it] And where would you get this saved money?

Spokesman: I tell you where and how in Chapter 3.

Wife: Ok, so what if I want something but I dont' have any money Spokesman: You don't buy it.

Husband: Well let's say I don't have enough money to buy something. Should I buy it anyways?

Spokesman: No-o-o-o.

Husband: Now I'm really confused!

Spokesman: It's a little confusing at first.

Wife: Well what if you have the money, can you buy something?

Spokesman: Yes.

Wife: Now take the money away. Same story?

Spokesman: Nope. You shouldn't buy stuff when you don't have the money.

Husband: I think I got it. I buy something I want, and then hope that I can pay for it right?

Spokesman: No. You make sure you have money, then you buy it.

Husband: Oh, THEN you buy it. But shouldn't you buy it before you have the money?

Spokesman: No-o-o-o.

Wife: Why not?

Spokesman: It's in the book. It's only one page long. The advice is priceless and the book is free.

Wife: Well, I like the sound of that.

Husband: Yeah, we can put it on our credit card.

Spokesman: [shakes head]

Announcer: So get out of debt now, write for your free copy of "Don't Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford." If you buy now you'll also receive, "Seriously, If You Don't Have the Money, Don't Buy It!" Along with a 12-month subscription to "Stop Buying Stuff Magazine." So order today!