Thursday, May 19, 2016

The Great Philosophical Shuffling Debate - Can I Shuffle One Card?

The Great Philosophical Shuffling Debate: "If you play a game with cards, and the game instructs you to shuffle your deck, and your deck only has one card in it, can you do it?"

Deep Thoughts.

My favorite responses:

"As a computer scientist, I can shuffle a deck with zero cards."
"If I can shuffle a deck of 52 identical cards, I can "shuffle" a deck of one card, which has exactly the same effect."

Thursday, May 5, 2016

Don't Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford

Don't Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford

In this commercial parody, a married couple (Steve Martin, Amy Poehler) are confused by their money woes, so a spokesperson (Chris Parnell) presents them with Don’t Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford, a guide to prevent financial debt. [Season 31, 2006]

Don't Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford Script

Wife.....Amy Poehler
Husband.....Steve Martin
Spokesman.....Chris Parnell

[ open on couple trying to balance their checkbook ]

Wife: (sighs) I just can't get these numbers to add up.

Husband: Like we're never going to get out of this hole.

Wife: Credit card debt, does it ever end?

Spokesman: [walks in] Maybe I can help.

Husband: We sure could use it.

Wife: We've tried debt consolidation companies.

Husband: We've even taken out loans to help make payments.

Spokesman: Well, you're not the only ones. Did you know that millions of Americans live with debt they cannot control? That's why I developed this unique new program for managing your debt. It's called [presents book] "Don't Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford."

Wife: Let me see that... [grabs book, reads] "If you don't have any money, you should not buy anything." Hmm, sounds interesting

Husband: Sounds confusing.

Wife: I don't know honey, this makes a lot of sense. There's a whole section here on how to buy expensive things using money you save.

Husband: Give me that... [grabs book, looks at it] And where would you get this saved money?

Spokesman: I tell you where and how in Chapter 3.

Wife: Ok, so what if I want something but I dont' have any money Spokesman: You don't buy it.

Husband: Well let's say I don't have enough money to buy something. Should I buy it anyways?

Spokesman: No-o-o-o.

Husband: Now I'm really confused!

Spokesman: It's a little confusing at first.

Wife: Well what if you have the money, can you buy something?

Spokesman: Yes.

Wife: Now take the money away. Same story?

Spokesman: Nope. You shouldn't buy stuff when you don't have the money.

Husband: I think I got it. I buy something I want, and then hope that I can pay for it right?

Spokesman: No. You make sure you have money, then you buy it.

Husband: Oh, THEN you buy it. But shouldn't you buy it before you have the money?

Spokesman: No-o-o-o.

Wife: Why not?

Spokesman: It's in the book. It's only one page long. The advice is priceless and the book is free.

Wife: Well, I like the sound of that.

Husband: Yeah, we can put it on our credit card.

Spokesman: [shakes head]

Announcer: So get out of debt now, write for your free copy of "Don't Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford." If you buy now you'll also receive, "Seriously, If You Don't Have the Money, Don't Buy It!" Along with a 12-month subscription to "Stop Buying Stuff Magazine." So order today!

Happy Cinco de Mayo

Have a Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone - Cinco de Mayo is a most excellent American party!  If you thought it was a Mexican celebration, you would only be partially right.  "Cinco de Mayo is a bigger celebration in the U.S. than in Mexico."  Wouldn't it have been been epic if Cico de Mayo also landed on Taco Tuesday this year?  Cinco de Mayo is also a great time to recover from the Star Wars May the 4th Be With You celebrations (or dig yourself further in depending on your choice of activities).